Monday, October 4, 2010

done snagged meh leggins'

I'm at work at the funeral house this Monday morning after tossing and turning all night. Tossing is what happens when you choose to 'take a nap' at 10 o'clock PM, assuming after a fifteen minute shut eye session you will feel more like getting up to clean your room, or study, or read things, or paint. NOT THE CASE. There is no nap taking at 10 o'clock PM...there is only going to bed at ten o'clock and waking up at 4 o'clock AM to stare at inanimate objects in the dark...only to then attempt snuggling with the cat who bites you. Moral to this story. No More Naps... and no more demonic Cats for that matter. As a result of my sleeping choices I woke up a liittttle bit perturbed. Bless the souls that are graced by my presence. Luckily most everyone at the funeral house is at a funeral and i have been appointed to man the phones. i may or may not be sleeping on the desk in between random phone calls. Too bad there's no cordless phone... there sure is a casket with pink fluffy silk in it waiting for a nice napper in the next room. Don't be creeped out...i wont shut the lid.

Last week i would've blogged, but i procrastinated instead...and chose to let you all be entertained by the likings of my genius, tall, blonde haired friend and
sister- Rachel. I have to say... what set of eye balls wouldn't love a yellow bathroom? When Rachel and I reunite in SLC this January (the best day of my life).. we will be painting our apt. bathroom yellow, (and keeping the door locked so that foreign eyes cant catch a peak and get our arses evicted, of course)...then paying our pink silky flamingos to paint it back white (ew) when it comes time for us to skedaddle.

Speaking of tattoos... I'm bout to tattoo my to-do list to my wrist. or face. or something. I just remembered that I am a week late for picking my insurance claim from a non-wreck i was in last week. I was driving home from work for lunch and came upon a ramp leading to the highway. Most lucid minds know that you cannot stop and yield to get on the highway... you simply slow down and prepare to jump on without reeking havoc with your fellow high way drivers. Well. Patricia... the sixty year old Appalachianer did NOT know this rule. As i went to jump on the high way ol' Patty decided to make a dead stop for about five seconds at the yield sign. Then.. my mom suburban car and I happen to tap her bumper. I admit that i wasn't paying close enough attention.. but i didnt expect to have to prepare for a red light stop when yielding. As I got out of the car I was relieved to see that no damage had been done to either car minus a buffable paint scratch on Patty's bumper. Before i had a chance to apologize for the bumber cars... Patricia jumped out her Corolla and yelled 'Im hurt, I'm HUUURTT!' I didn't know whether to laugh or slap... as it was very obvious that not even a block of jello couldve been hurt or dented in such an 'accident.' As I attempted to keep a straight face as she said,' Lady, don't think you're getting away from this....I'm calling an ambulance and the cops.' At first I started to get nervous... we've all heard of people getting sued by ambulance chasers... and all I could think of was how bad it would be if Patricia found out my Dad was a doctor and took it to court. I start to get a little ruffled as she was dialing 911 and telling them 'there's been a big car accident' on highway 82 and that she doesn't know what to do. Within five minutes, three ambulances, a fire, truck and six cops were heading towards us, sirens and all. To my dismay... they passed us. I was so relieved. DON'T WORRY... they surely did come charging back towards us about twenty minutes later...saying, 'We're sorry we passed you... we were looking for an actual crash.' Luckily everyone involved knew exactly what was going on... including the EMT who Patricia ASKED TO STRAP HER DOWN TO THE STRETCHER AND TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL. All of the policemen involved knew me from working at the high school when I was a student there, and knew that I was some what of a normal person... so luckily on sight everything was fine. I waved at patty driving away in the ambulance...and went back to work. However, after I get my to-do list tattoo... and finally remember to pick up the insurance claim...we will know for sure whether 'Patricia the Liar' gets any money. To be completely truthful... I enjoyed the whole entire misadventure. I was practically dying laughing the whole time. If for some strange reason the woman had actually been hurt.. I would've tapered my laughs a bit, but wheen you're hit at a rolling five mph and you tell an EMT that you think something is 'cracked in your back and that a lung might be punctured'... someone has got to put their laughing panties on and before the moment is wasted...right? After a rather boring morning delivering flower arrangements and doing funeral activities... this free game of bumper cars brought a whole new light to the day. I think i WILL pay more attention next time.

I'm looking out the window behind my computer at work right now. It's a crisp fifty degrees this morning and the fields around north Texas are filled with wild heather, spontaneous sunflowers, and some nice looking weeds resembling canola. Between all of the colors reflecting it appears that the sun is sending off a soothing yellow sheet of light, gently and affectionately cloaking the crispy foliage and browning leaves. Oh how I wish Rachel was here to let me spray chigger repellent on her legs before frolicking around the fields for me to photograph... until then my small sister will have to do. I hope you are all becoming as energized by the thought of pumpkins, cinnamon, and tweed as I am. In fact, as my effort to welcome this delightfully crunchy season... tomorrow I will darkening my hair... with a new hair dresser. I'm a little afraid. Until then have a great day.... watch where your cars are rolling and go buy a fall candle to fill your nose with and dip your finger tips in. Firm Embrace. Firm Embrace.

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