The more pressing the social engagement... the less I want to attend. The idea of picking out what to wear and making small talk with random semi attractive people makes me apprehensive. We are all looking for the same things...and searching in the wrong places. Yet we continue to take part in these social norms because otherwise we are 'abnormal' or 'antisocial.' After waking up to Rachel's post this morning... her words only further spurred off so many thoughts that were also boiling in my mind. Don't scoff. We are BOTH abnormal. That's why our hearts speak the same language. Hopefully every human has a fellow human that speaks their language... if not... pray for one immediately.
Speaking of abnormal brain waves and antisocial behavior...for the past two weeks Ive been dreaming of colors, shapes, lines, paint, paint in my hair, paint under my nails, the feel of canvas on my finger tips, the smell of acrylics making me light headed, the sound of the same inspiring french music playing over and over and over and over while mindlessly enjoying the lulling motion that my paint brush makes as it strokes fresh paint onto cloth, stretched over wooden beams. ALL that I want to do is spend endless hours scribing down what my mind relentlessly begs for me to record. I want to paint the colors that portray my feelings instead of continually burying those feelings in my subconscious, continually striving to 'self-talk' my own mind into focusing on work, school, friends, dating, God, working out, calories, progressing, etc., instead of what every mind pleads to be allowed time for; Subconscious discovery without the influence of social norms and standards. Some of the most beautiful and note worthy minds in history discovered their greatest inventions during the meditative state found in limbo. I believe we all house gorgeous discoveries in our minds that we have yet to tap in on.
We should work on this.
I want to paint. However, for some reason I have been avoiding this ever so yearned for painting date. Whether I have avoided spewing forth my creative juices through painting because I am too lazy to clean up the mess, because at times I feel that my somewhat lack of skill stunts my vision, or because I would rather write or photograph things... i do not know.. and I do not care.