We recently searched Salt Lake City for a brownie at midnight like rabbit vultures on a deceased human. We found one. Then we died of blissfulness.
We recently touched sting rays at an aquarium, yelled like girls and splashed water on innocent bystanders. Woops. Either way... sting rays are scary, they did kill the Crocodile Hunter.
We recently watched a man cut his arm off with a pocket knife, and now we're having morbid dreams... (It may or may not have been an event in a movie... but for your entertainment purposes it sounds much cooler to merely leave that detail out). 127 Hours. Watch it.
We recently pulled up to our garage in the lunar vehicle, saw a giant box in the middle of the driveway. Seeing that it was empty, made a foolish assumption that we could 'scoot' it into the garage with our bumper rather than moving it out of the way with our hands like normal humans. Evidently scooting things with your bumper does not work... no matter how light they appear. There is now a large large cardboard box smashed into oblivion underneath our tire.
We recently went inside twins room to steal one of her three pillows while she was sleeping and induced an unforgettable panic attack. To preface this story it was about 3 in the morning. Kristin had just returned from working a twelve hour shift at a correctional facility, and therefore was over worked and a tad on edge to say the least. Right as I reached towards Kristin's head with both hands out, in what I later realized to be a choking motion, she sensed a person nearing her. she began to yell bloody murder, "WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHOOOO ARE YOU?!?? NO NO... PLEASE DON'T!"
As I realized that in her sleepy daze, my poor twin was under the impression that I was an intruder trying to take her innocence. I began to get closer so that she could see my face and calm down. As I did this she only became more alarmed. She began clasping her robe tightly in attempt to cover her chest, yelling louder and louder, "WHAT DO YOU WANT. DON'T DON'T. WHAT DO WANT?!??!"
As she became more and more hysterical, yet refusing to open her eyes trying to avoid actually making eye contact with her potential rapist, I yelled, "KRISTIN. STOP. IT'S JUST ME. KORTNEY!!!" Her volume finally began to diminish as opened her contactless eyes and squinted in my direction. The calmer Kristin did not last long once she realized what had happened. She began to yell (this time in sheer angry annoyance) "KORTNEY?!!?!???? YOU IDIOT!!!! FEEL MY HEART. FEEL HOW FAST IT'S BEATING. FEEEEEEL IT!!!,"
She tried to grab my hand and place it on her robed chest. At that moment, our tired eyes met I began to laugh uncontrollably. However, before Kristin had the opportunity to think more about, and become increasingly more irritated with my late night inconsiderate pillow stealing choice, I escaped the room. Rachel and I laughed on our air mattress for the rest of the night. We love you Kristian. we will never steal on of your 203,94,094 pillows again.
We recently became very hungry after keying that entire story for you to read. It's time to make pasta, read books, and play with our friends. Enjoy your Sunday evening. Feel free to share what you have done recently.
The illustrating genius of Allie Brosh: Hyperbole and a Half